Get to Know Caitlin

In this episode, we get to know Caitlin. Caitlin chats with young carer Kelsie about her journey identifying as a young carer, caring for her mum living with a terminal illness and finding her own passions during a very challenging time. Caitlin is a university student and an editor of the university student paper, covering systematic issues facing young carers and highlighting other people’s stories – a role which she finds very rewarding.

This episode of YC Bytes was hosted by Nina Longfellow. It was written and produced by the Carers NSW Young Carer team. The Acknowledgement of Country was recorded by Lua Pellegrini, Wiradjuri Woman and young carer who grew up on Darug country in Western Sydney. Special thanks to our speakers who contributed to today’s episode.

If you would like to speak with someone after listening to this episode, you can contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636. You can also access emotional support through Carer Gateway on 1800 422 737.

For support as a young carer, check out Carer Gateway or call 1800 422 737 to find out what’s available in your local area. Carer Gateway is a national model of carer support available to any carer across Australia.

Carers NSW is the peak non-government organisation for carers in NSW. We provide information, education and training, research, resources and a range of carer-specific programs and projects to support and raise awareness of family and friend carers in the community. For more information about Carers NSW, please visit the Carers NSW website.

Contact the Young Carer team by calling 02 9280 4744 during business hours, or email yc@carersnsw.org.au.

Subscribe to Carers NSW monthly YC eNews to stay up to date with opportunities and updates from the team, and follow the Carers NSW Young Carer Program on Facebook.

Transcript

Caitlin:
It is okay for it to be hard, and it's okay for you to acknowledge that it can be a bit tricky, but at the end of the day, you've got this.

Nina:
Welcome to season two of YC Bytes. My name's Nina, and in this series you'll be hearing the voices and stories of young carers.

Lua:
On behalf of Carers NSW, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of country on which we live, learn, and work. We acknowledge the wisdom of Elders past and present, and pay respects to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander communities of today.

Nina:
In New South Wales, a young carer is someone aged under 25 years who helps look after a friend, a family member, or a partner who lives with disability, mental illness, drug or alcohol dependency, a chronic condition, terminal illness, or someone who's frail. Our aim is to shine the spotlight on young carers as this group of people is so often overlooked or misunderstood in society. In this episode, we get to know Caitlin, and we also welcome back Kelsie, who you might remember from season one.

Caitlin cares for her mother who has a terminal illness. She's undertaking an arts degree majoring in international relations and gender studies. She's also the editor of her university student paper. And as an editor, she's covered systematic issues facing young carers both within uni and beyond. Kelsie is 21 years old and from a regional town in New South Wales. She's currently studying media at uni and loves the creative aspect combined with strategy. And now we're going to hear from Caitlin and Kelsie as they talk about how they both found their interest in media.

Kelsie:
Hi, Caitlin.

Caitlin:
Hi, Kelsie. Thanks for having me.

Kelsie:
So just to get started, tell us a little bit about yourself and your caring role and what types of things do you do to support your mum?

Caitlin:
So, I'm a university student and I'm also a young carer, and I look after my mum who has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. And I also help out a lot with my younger sister too. And so the types of things I do is a lot of medication organising. I used to go to a lot of chemo appointments, organising dinners, cooking, cleaning, washing, that type of thing. As well as I think providing quite a lot of emotional support for both my mum and my younger sister. I also do parent-teacher interviews and things like that for my younger sister too.

Kelsie:
To get to know you on a bit more of a personal level, can you please share with us how you start your day? Do you have a morning routine, and do you find that this sets you up really well for the day ahead?

Caitlin:
I don't really have a morning routine. I think each day is very different. I kind of do a lot of different things in my week, so I do uni. Some days I'm at home with mum for the whole day. Other days I'm working my other job. But I guess the kind of general structure is I try and get a coffee into me as soon as possible. And then I normally check in on mum, see how she's going for the day, see if she needs anything done, if she needs breakfast, if she's had a medication, those types of things. I do like to get a bunch of jobs done first thing in the morning as well because I find then it's like I don't have to do it later, which I think when I do that, it's very motivating as well to just get them out of the way.

Kelsie:
It sounds like you are quite productive in the morning. I am not into the mornings. I wake up five minutes before class. I live on my uni campus, so I just roll into class at 15 minutes past. And yeah, I'm still asleep when I'm in class.

I think for me personally, listening to your morning routine really reminds me of my experience growing up. I just said I live on campus, but growing up, I was a carer for my mum and my sister, and that connection in the morning was really important for me. And it's something that I still notice in my day-to-day life is really important. I really value the connections with the people around me, so messaging my friends good morning or calling my sister in the morning before she goes to school. I think this even extends into what I'm studying now in media and valuing connections with people and chatting and learning about their lives. But you are interested in journalism as well, right?

Caitlin:
Yes, I am. I'm interested in journalism for, I think, a lot of the same reasons that you've just said there where I just love listening to other people's stories and listening to what they've got to say and shining a light on different experiences that would otherwise, I guess, go unseen.

At uni, I'm an editor of the student paper ‘Honi Soit’. I kind of fell into that almost through being a young carer because I realised that there was a lot of things that the university was doing that was not very helpful to me. There was actually no structural support or no ongoing structural support, I should say. And so I kind of got into journalism through me being like, "Hey, this is happening. This isn't very fair." And then through that I got to meet a lot of other young carers who reached out to me personally, and then I kind of was like, "Hey, there's something here." And so I started reporting for that, and then that kind of grew into me being an editor now.

So yeah, it was definitely born from checking in with other people and listening to other people's stories. And now I'm lucky to cover stories beyond just being a young carer, but I always have a special place in my heart for the young carer stories that we do.

Kelsie:
Amazing. Yeah, that sounds incredible. That sounds like such a great opportunity for you to share your experiences and share your opinions on various things happening at your uni. Now, if we look back to younger Caitlin, if you could give her some advice, what would it be?

Caitlin:
Relax. Why are you so stressed all the time? You have nothing to be stressed about. I became a young carer when I was 19, so there's a clear delineation between me not being a carer and me being a carer. I think before I was a young carer, the things I was stressing about were just a little bit ridiculous. I think they felt really important and they are really important, but also in the grand scheme of things, they didn't really matter too much. The sun will rise again. It's going to be okay. It might not be perfect, but it will be okay. And so I think my biggest advice would just be like, "Go to the beach, have fun. Stop stressing." Stop stressing. That's what I would say.

Kelsie:
Yeah. Amazing. Very important. You began caring at 19. How did you discover you were a young carer and what was that experience like?

Caitlin:
It was definitely a slow realisation. The first person who was like, "Do you realise you're caring for your mum?" was a psychologist I was seeing at the time, and I was like, "No, that's not really true." And then I was trying to find out how I could apply for special considerations at my university and the box that was kind of an additional duties type of box, and I was like, "That's right, but it's not quite right." And I couldn't figure out why that didn't really sit with me very well. And then I was actually interviewed by someone who was an editor at the paper the year before me, and she asked me if I would be interested in being interviewed as a student carer. And I was like, "Oh, that's weird that this person sees me as that. I don't really see myself as that."

And I did do that interview, but I still felt quite uncomfortable with that label. And then it basically reached a point where I was like, "Hold on. I could do a lot more if I did identify as that label." And that label does fit me. I feel like when I'm talking to another young carer, it's like, "This is a shared experience. This is a shared experience." This is a shared experience. And so that's kind of where I ended up landing. But it was definitely a long process. I didn't realise I was a young carer for probably close to two years. I was caring before the penny kind of dropped. I just thought it was like what was expected of me. And I think as well, it did definitely intensify after my mum's cancer became terminal. Before that, it kind of seemed like a short-term thing, so it wasn't really something that I needed to invest any time in or think about. And then, yeah, it kind of became too big to ignore.

Nina:
I definitely agree with Caitlin's thoughts and sentiments about the importance of identification. It's something I haven't fully grasped until this year. Being a young carer impacts your life in such a profound way and in ways most people don't understand. Having a label for your role or your responsibilities can be really useful in advocating for yourself. That's what I've found.

Caitlin:
What about you, Kelsie? I know you've been caring for your mum and sister for a while. How did you kind of discover that you were a young carer?

Kelsie:
Yeah, I have been a carer for quite a while, so I'm 21 now. And I would say I began caring when I was about seven years old. For me, it was a bit of a blurry time because my dad was quite sick, and then he passed away when I was eight years old. So everything kind of blends together as it would when you're a child, but also going through something quite difficult. But I think I remember people around me telling me I was a young carer and I always knew that I took on more responsibilities at home and that I helped my little sister more than most people help their siblings. And I think getting older and having people in the community, whether that was social workers or representatives from different organisations, reach out to me with these opportunities for young carers and connect me to that network. That's how I identified as a young carer. I think there's also a lot of value in identifying as a young carer because you're able to find a community of people around you with those shared experiences who can support you.

Caitlin:
Yeah, no, I completely agree.

Kelsie:
Can you think of a time in your life that was quite challenging and how did you overcome it?

Caitlin:
I think the time in my life that was the most challenging was actually when my mum was first diagnosed. She was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer one week into the 2020 lockdown. I don't think I can overstate how awful it was, but obviously like 2020, everyone knows what happened then, it was COVID. We were locked down. All my uni classes went online. I lost my job. It was just an absolute whirlwind. And I think that anytime someone's diagnosed with cancer, it's a very stressful time. But in that particular moment, it meant that all the things that you would normally use to cope with that stress kind of had been completely taken away. It kind of just felt like we were very isolated.

And I was actually thinking about like, "Oh, how did I overcome that?" And I think the biggest way I overcame it was you just have to keep going. There's not really any other option. You just kind of have to keep going. And I think I'm really good at the time in just keeping ongoing and then later on being like, "Wow, that was a lot." And yeah, just endless drone of time is very good for managing things because what's happening right now won't be happening forever.

Kelsie:
I feel like if you were a character in a movie, you would be Dory. Just keep swimming. That’s a compliment! Dory's a great character.

Caitlin:
That's a really good go. I like that.

Kelsie:
Yeah, just keep swimming.

Caitlin:
Yeah.

Kelsie:
But totally relatable I think that a lot of people will say, "Oh, how do you do all of this? How do you manage it?" And it's like, "What choice do I have? This is my life. This is just a part of being who I am and being in my family."

Nina:
What choice do I have? This is something that I grapple with constantly. I feel like this isn't really spoken about, and it might feel a bit weird to say out loud, but sometimes I feel resentment to the person that I care for and the other people in my life. There's a lot of grief and loss that comes with caring. There's loss of time, space, and boundaries. There's loss of freedom and loss of normal relationships, but often I find it hard to say anything because the person that I care for I know is struggling so much more. I'm sure many other carers can relate.

Caitlin:
I definitely think you don't quite know how you manage it until you are managing it. And I think that's like for all young carers, they are managing it in various different ways, and it might not be going perfectly, which was another thing that I really struggled with. I'm quite a perfectionist. And obviously, when all those things are happening, you cannot do everything perfectly. So yeah, and I think that's like young carers that you are always managing it basically. It's not going to be perfect, but it will be managed.

Kelsie:
For me, listening to the stories from other young carers and listening to their experiences growing up has been a really big part of my experience as a young carer. So for me, I started caring when I was quite young and going to different programs with other young carers and getting to hang out with kids who understood what life was like. And when I became involved in Carers NSW as a young carer leader and meeting young carers from all around the state and having those connections, which I still keep to this day, I think that's been a really big part of finding a support network. And for me, when I'm in a difficult time, I really rely on my support network. So Carers NSW, or maybe a counselor or psychologist, or even just my friends and family around me. I shouldn't say ‘just’, they're the most important people in my life. But yeah, for me, support and the people around me and chatting is definitely really big for me and getting through challenging times.

Young carers are very strong. We have so many skills and so many amazing abilities. What would you say are some of the biggest strengths you have developed because of your caring role?

Caitlin:
I think that when there's a terminal diagnosis in the family, you have to have a lot of very tricky, very confronting conversations. Being able to balance very strong emotions at the same time as being able to balance harsh realities is something that I feel like I've become really good at. Having those conversations while still understanding all perspectives and being able to see all sides and listen to all sides as well is something that I think I've really gotten out of being a young carer.

Kelsie:
Yeah, I think that's a real superpower. I think it's something that a lot of people learn later on in life, but to have it as young as we are, that I think that's pretty amazing.

You've achieved so much, it seems, being a part of your student paper and what you're studying at uni. Do you have a personal achievement that you're most proud of?

Caitlin:
My personal achievement that I'm most proud of, I think, is just getting through this year. This year has been incredibly difficult. Mum has been quite sick. She's now had tumors in her brain for over a year, which is an incredible feat. Shout out to my mum, honestly, but she's been quite sick because of that. I've been working, I've been editing a paper and I've been going to uni. All of those things are very stressful in and of themselves, and I'm really proud of the fact that I have actually managed to do all of those things.

When mum was first diagnosed, I think because it happened in COVID, it meant that I kind of was a bit paralyzed almost where I felt like all I could do was look after mum, and anything outside of that was kind of like a distraction and wasn't worth doing, because right now I was needed at home and I would feel quite guilty if I would do anything outside of looking after mum. And then I think this year I really tried to push myself and to do things outside of my caring role, outside of what I was doing at home. And it has been very exhausting, but very, very rewarding. I've been out of my comfort zone for the majority of this year, and I'm quite proud of the fact that I put myself there and I put myself there because I wanted to be there.

Kelsie:
Yeah, it sounds like you're juggling quite a lot, but you're doing an incredible job, so I think you should be very proud of yourself. I have one last question for you. Do you have any advice for listeners who might be a young carer themselves or have a young carer in their life?

Caitlin:
I think for any young carers, my advice would just be trust yourself and believe in yourself. You've got this. And it's okay for it to be hard, and it's okay for you to acknowledge that it can be a bit tricky, but at the end of the day, you've got this. And for anyone who has a young carer in their life, I would say just give them a pat on the back every now and again. I think caring is always tricky and caring while managing, being a young person, is also very tricky, and it's something that I think young carers are often quite invisible in broader structures. They're kind of at an age where normally they're not really seen in their caring role. And I think that, yeah, being acknowledged by the people close to you is always a good thing.

Nina:
Some wonderful insight from Caitlin and Kelsie there. I definitely agree with Caitlin when she said her biggest achievement is that she's still here, she's still going. I can definitely relate to that.

So if you're a young carer, it's so important not to compare yourself to other people and recognize that having caring responsibilities, simply keeping on with those is a massive feat and a massive accomplishment in itself.

You can visit the show notes on today's episode to learn more about young carer supports and services, and don't forget to subscribe to YC Bytes to be notified when the next episode airs in a few months’ time.

This episode of YC Bytes was hosted by me, Nina Longfellow. It was written and produced by the Carers NSW Young Carer team. Special thanks to our speakers, Kelsie and Caitlin, who contributed to today's episode. The Acknowledgement of Country was recorded by Lua.

Carers NSW is the peak non-government organisation for carers in New South Wales. They provide information, education and training, research, resources, and a range of carer-specific programs and projects. This is to support and raise awareness of family and friend carers in the community. For more information, please visit www.carersnsw.org.au or call 02 9280 4744.